Being Interviewed

So I got a job interview, yay! Now that it's over & I wait while they talk to other less-qualified candidates (LOL), I get to obsess over how I think it went or didn't go, get excited about the prospect of working & the difference I might be able to make in my community if I got this job & worry some more about what the heck I'm supposed to do if I don't, etc. etc.

As a TV/video producer, of course I'm used to always being the one doing the interviewing. I'm accustomed to not only asking all the questions, but also possibly commanding my victim to repeat their answer while looking at me, or suggest a different word than "phenotype" or to avoid some tangential moment. But in that role, my purpose is to help them to communicate whatever it is they are doing/finding, so I like to think they generally come away feeling that they were in good hands with me.

For this job interview, one thing I didn't have to worry about at all was what to wear, because having telecommuted from home all these years, I only have one "for good" outfit that's not "for funerals."

Amazingly to me, I also didn't spend any time or energy stewing over whether or not to disclose about the Tourette Syndrome. Back in the days/years after I got the diagnosis, this was a big issue with me because the stress of a job interview can instigate more twitchiness than usual, which can make me self-conscious wondering if they think I'm nervous or a freak or whatever, resulting in a negative feedback loop going nowhere in the direction of the goal.

So, I would float the idea to family members/friends/anyone that maybe I could make it easier on myself by just explaining that I have Tourette, which may be making me appear to be a nervous freak... if indeed that is how I appear... and if not, never mind... and of course their advice to me would always be, T! M! I!

But it has been some 12 years or even more since I had to seriously pound the pavement under pressure, and in the meantime I guess my own attitude about having this or any other difference/quirk/"disability" has solidified-- that being, it is what it is.

I twitched when I really needed to, and during the interview, the subject of the autism spectrum came up, and I not only ably displayed my knowledge of the science all around that topic, but also took that opportunity to mention that I have Tourette and that I have blogged about it.

The other difference I noticed is my self-confidence. I think I now exude a lot of it. So that's a new thing to worry about-- does that generate the feeling that they'd be in good hands with me, or might it seem obnoxiously, off-puttingly arrogant?

As for me, true to my nature, of course I inevitably loved everyone I met there and the environment and possibilities, and I have no idea whether that showed or not.

Sigh... with this posting I hereby stop re-analyzing, let it go & let it be what it will be.